I want to start of by saying thank you to all of you who read my post about my struggle with coming out, it wasn't the easiest to post but the feedback and support I got back was overwhelming and i could've never fathomed getting the response that it did so thank you so much. From writing my last post it has inspired me to try and get more peoples stories out there and to help a wider range of people understand what it means to grow up LGBT+ or to help those struggling to come to terms with who they are. So in this post are 4 peoples stories, all with different sexualities, out of respect to the people writing I am going to keep their names anonymous but will make you aware of their sexual identity and gender. I am going post one persons story at a time, I'm hoping to create a series of blog posts that reach out to as many people as possible. And with the trending of the twitter hashtag LGBTExcellence I thought this weekend be the perfect time to share these peoples stories.
Female, Pansexual, 21
Coming to terms with my sexuality was a really long and really weird process. I’m going to try and tell you in a somewhat chronological order. My entire life I have been “exposed” to people within the LGBT+ community (or LGB, at least). My Great Uncle is gay and has been with his partner FOREVER, and my auntie who’s not really an auntie but is an auntie came out as bisexual when I was about 8/9. I remember my mum telling me that my auntie was nervous to tell us and my little liberal 8-year-old self went, “I don’t care who she loves, because I love her and nothing will ever change that!” Cute, right? I am extremely privileged to be raised by two loving parents in a very liberal household. I could tell them anything and their opinion of me, and their love for me would never change. When I was really young in primary school, I used to play “The Lesbian Game” in the playground with a friend of mine, where we’d raise a family and go to work and hump the air to insinuate having sex. In hindsight, this should’ve been my first indicator of my level of queer.
When I came to high school I found my one true love: rugby. Now, rugby is (in my opinion) the BEST sport in the world, but with it comes a pretty hefty stereotype: ALL WOMEN’S RUGBY PLAYERS ARE LESBIANS. I HATED this when I was at school. All the popular kids in school (who played rugby in year 7, may I add) used to call me homophobic names ENDLESSLY. It was so frustrating. I used to be like no, not everyone fits the stereotype, I’m straight okay. All the while thinking “I don’t want to fit the stereotype, I wanna prove these bitches wrong.” As I got a bit older and much more educated I would then chose to respond with “So what if I was gay? What’s wrong with that?” That proved to be more effective as the homophobic people in my year were never smart enough to think quickly for a comeback.
When I was 16, I got involved with the school musical, and made friends with a few people a couple of years older than me. These people were so comfortable within themselves and their sexualities and exploring and experimenting with the same sex it made me think that maybe it’s not such a bad thing to fit a stereotype. So, one day at school, I went around all my school friends asking the question “Who do you think I’m more attracted to? Boy or girls?” For the most part, the answer was both. And after that I was like “Yeah okay, you’re all right.” And came out as bisexual (to some of my friends anyway.)
Coming out to my parents, I was nervous for it, but I never felt like I HAD to do it, which was good. I came out to my parents when I was incredibly drunk at a fancy-dress party where I was dressed as Bellatrix Lestrange. My parents weren’t paying any attention to me whatsoever and so I just decided to be like “Mum, Dad, I’m BI!” They both looked at me from whatever they were doing and were like “That’s nice dear.” And carried on. They both double checked with me the next day and were 100% cool with it, as I knew they would be. In fact, I think my dad secretly loved it as it opened a whole new array of puns.
Between the ages of 16 and 18, I lived a happy go lucky life with a couple of serious relationships with both guys and girls. I never really faced that much homophobia than the ignorant questions of “Who do you prefer?” “Who’s better in bed?” blah blah blah. When I was 18, I discovered the LGBTQ+ scene, this was one of the best things to ever happen to me. I was exposed to SO MANY different sexualities, genders, identities, experiences, terminology. It was great. I was introduced to SO MANY beautiful people of different genders and I was just like oh HOT DAMN. But it also made me realise that perhaps bisexual wasn’t the right terminology for me to use. I felt it was a very trans-excluding term, and I really cared for my new friends and I didn’t want them to feel anymore invisible within the LGBTQ+ community than they already did. A couple of my new friends identified as pansexual, and I really felt that this ‘label’ fitted me perfectly. I know a lot of people think us millennials place so much importance on labels but, to me, they’re very important; I spent so many
years in denial, trying to fit in, and now I was suddenly part of this super supportive and exciting community which I am PROUD to be a part of. I am PROUD of being pansexual.
Coming out as pansexual was a lot less nerve wracking but a lot more stressful than coming out as bisexual. Every person and their mother knows what bisexual is, few people know what pansexual is. So, with coming out/telling people your sexuality comes with the mind-numbing conversation of: “What’s that?” “Having the potential to be attracted to all genders” “Isn’t that just bisexual?” “No, bi means 2” “There’s only 2 genders though” blah blah blah. It takes a lot of effort to stay patient sometimes and not just scream JUST FUCKIN GOOGLE IT YOU IGNORANT FUCK.
The only issue with coming out is with my grandparents. They have a massive problem with me being bisexual (I cannot be assed with the effort with explaining to them what pansexual is), and they love to use the church to explain why gay marriage is wrong, despite not having a religious bone in either one of their bodies. My favourite thing to do when they visit is to bring up ex-girlfriends, to dress “super gay”, to take them to gay places near me, and to invite them to plays with underlying themes of homosexuality. They never seem to get uncomfortable, I never want to do that, I’m just slowly trying to expose them and train them into thinking gay is okay.
I’m extremely lucky to be surrounded by a loving and supportive network of people. My friends and family mean the world to me, and I hope they know I have their backs through everything! Anyway, terribly sorry for the essay, this mega queer, rugby playing girl who’s attracted to kitchen ware is out.
If you've read this story or my own, and you want to share yours please don't be hesitant to contact me on any of my social media which is shown at the top of the blog. I can only hope these stories reach out and inspire you and to let people know you're not alone.
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